Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Loose Thoughts on Shopping and Cultural Annihilation

I hate shopping.  Totally, one-hundred-percent hate.

I set out today into the grand metro-plex that is Shreveport/Bossier City to find one Texas Rangers t-shirt.  I also had to pick up a birthday gift for my grandson but that part was easy.

I looked for this Rangers shirt yesterday at WalMart.  No go.  We also looked at Dick's Sporting Goods yesterday.  Nope.

Today, first stop was Target.  It is not possible to buy a Texas Rangers t-shirt at Target in Shreveport, but you can buy a Hello Kitty microwave (pictured above).  WTH kind of sick mo-fo would put Hello Kitty in a microwave and who would want this in their kitchen?  What's the big fascination with Hello Kitty anyway?  Whhaaaaa....???????

My next stop was Academy Sports where, again, it is not possible to buy a Texas Rangers t-shirt, however, a helpful clerk advised me to "try the internets."  Blast!

To St. Vincent's Mall!  There are "sports" stores in there!  You can buy all the LSU gear, New Orleans Saints gear, Louisiana Tech, and Dallas Cowboys crap you want there, but no Texas Rangers anything.

However, you CAN buy a bottle of Justin Beiber's Girlfriend perfume:



Oh.my.god.  Need eye bleach.

Between that and the ProActive Acne Care talking kiosk which scared the ever loving hell out of me, I couldn't get out of there fast enough.

I gave up and went to wash the Jeep.  Car washes are safe.

Then I got a message from a friend directing me to Fantastics! at the Boardwalk in Bossier City who, I'm told, sells Texas Rangers gear.

I fortified myself with two tacos from Taco Bell and set out for the Boardwalk.  Let me just point out that the people who design parking garages are sadists on crack.

I found this store, Fantastics!, and walked in, full of optimism.

The heavens opened up and the angels sang:



There they were.  So many from which to choose!  It was wonderful!  Blues, reds!  Jerseys!  T-shirts!  Shorts!  Tanks!  Caps!  Texas Rangers stuff everywhere!

I grabbed a Darvish t-shirt, paid for it, and got the hell out of Dodge.

Like I said, I hate shopping, and I don't do it often.  From what I saw today, Texas Rangers aside, we are on the verge of cultural annihilation.  The abyss looms.  Justin Beiber, Hello Kitty, cheap tacky plastic flip flops from China and Taiwan, beaded and studded iPhone covers, talking kiosks, and in-the-middle-of-the-mall-massages?

It's all enough to send one to "the internets" when any shopping must be done.

3 comments:

LL said...

I would have sent you a LA Dodger's t-shirt if you would have asked.... (haha)

Tony said...

Where do you think the jersey was made? Anytown, U.S.A.? And the true mark of what you call "cultural annihilation" is the incessant need for everyone to post details of every little b.s. thought/task/ass-wiping that they must transcend, 24/7.

Pat Austin said...

Oh Tony you are more fun than a barrel of monkeys, man. I bet you liven up any party. Do you EVER act nice?